Not content with creating the universe and basic physi…. Uhm sucky forces god has turned his attention to the creation of planets but he doesn’t call them that yet cos he hasn’t finished inventing them (and the patent office wont be around for at least a few billio… Uhm thousand years)
So I’ve got this gas here and this dust, I’ll smash it all together and see what happens, but since this is a project, it needs a project name. The name can’t be too descriptive because I cant file with the patent office yet, I know! I’ll call it Codename Bum, no one who will exist would guess that.
How long should I spend, well the concept of a day is a bit pointless in interstellar space, given that I haven’t even started making other things yet including days, but despite that fact I’ll take six days. And just as there was no point for the concept of a day there was also no point for the project bum Gant chart……..
Project Bum Day 1
I need some tools to move all this crap to one spot. So what I’ll do is spend today inventing some tools that I can use to move stuff around. I need something that can scoop stuff up and deposit it somewhere else in a sort of shoving motion. Shoving…. Shov… a Shovel! Great a slightly smaller version for tricky corners could be handy sort of cut-down shovel. A dowel… no. Trowel!
Gas is a bit tricky but I’ve discovered that if you squeeze it enough it can become a sort of liquid, hmm, how do I move that liquid…. Perhaps something that’s hollow on the inside but with no ends, I can suck the liquid up and blow it out where I need it. But I cant call it the sucky thing I’ve already got that and don’t need confusion. Its not exactly a container and is cylindrical a tub… TUBE!
I’ve used my shovel, trowel and tube to get the gas and dust into one spot but its sort of just sitting there. I might leave it and come back tomorrow for a second look.
Project Bum Day 2
Not much different today, damn this is taking a while. Well that’s it the time for action is at hand. God then squashed the gas and dust together in his hands and then rolled it out flat. Nice thought god. I’ll leave it to dry and come back tomorrow.
Project Bum Day 3
What The….. Its turned into a sphere, honestly you sweat and slave and turn your back for 5 minutes and suddenly it’s a bloody sphere. Well we’ll see about that.. What I need is something big and heavy with handles. Like my tube on its side only where the ends are I’ll put the handles in. It will roll the thing flat. A Rolling Pin! God took the rolling pin and rolled Bum flat once more. That’ll show it.
Project Bum Day 4
….. …….. F…… F…… S…….. It’s a bloody sphere again. This time I’ll roll it flat and I’ll bloody watch it.
Project Bum Day 4 (and a little bit)
“Oh!” Proclaimed god as he watched Bum tear apart at the edges and collapse in on itself. It’s the same shape as those star thingies I made earlier I guess they are circular for a reason… Aahhh yes the sucky force that’s relative to the mass of everything. If there was no time it would stay flat, dammit.
I guess I’d better leave it and come back tomorrow when all this has settled down.
Project Bum Day 5
Well it’s a sphere again. But it looks a bit barren, sort of rocky with no atmosphere. I wonder thought god. What if I were, uhm you know. Well let’s find out, god turned around pulled up his robes and defecated in the general direction of Bum. The gas cloud settled around the planet forming an atmosphere, but god squeezed a little too hard and lo the appropriately named ‘Moon’ was created as well.
God looked at Bum and Moon and thought to himself ‘damn I really gotta go………
Stay tuned for Part 4 when god finishes project bum on day 6 and then changes the name for the launch party on day 7; and also realises that living things need food to generate energy in order to live but forgot that consumed food has to be ‘deposited’ to relieve the internal pressure.
Today God is listening to:
Epic by Faith No More
Recent Comments